Home · relationships · marriage
What should I do when my partner shuts down?
What should I do when my partner shuts down?
Ask whether they need twenty minutes or whether the subject is closed. A shutdown is often overload. Chasing it with more words usually confirms that talking is unsafe.
What may actually be happening
Silence can be freeze, punishment, or a lack of words that will not come out clean. You cannot tell those apart while you are both in the spike.
Look at it from both sides
You may feel abandoned in the middle of a sentence. They may feel flooded and afraid that any word will be used as evidence.
What you can do
Offer a time to return. 'I want to finish this at 8. I won't follow you from room to room.' Use the pause for your own notes, not for a speech. When you resume, start with one request.
What not to do
Do not interpret silence as agreement or as hatred. Do not bring in an audience to force a response. Do not save every shutdown for a later trial.
Try this today
Agree, outside the fight, on a pause length you both can survive. Twenty minutes is a plan. An unnamed disappearance is not.